The Senior Staff
CEO and President - Lon J. Blasé
Man, Myth, Autocrat- Lon J. Blasé is the founder and visionary behind The TETRAGRAMMATRON Archive. Incorporated in February of 1995, this Jason Robert Bell Information services startup has grown to over 60 employees, many of them potty-trained. Lon directs key strategies in the development and operations of Tetragrammatron s portal with an iron fist, which includes Client Services, Product Planning, Engineering, and Advanced Cheetos Research . Lon began his career at Dewdrop-Pichard, where he spent 12 years as a miserable toadie for the Engineering Program management department. After a bloodless corporate coup, he became Senior Vice President of Operations and Performance Management at Rancid Teet Technologies and oversaw a world-class management team that doubled revenues annually (mainly by laying off record numbers of the lazy, good-for nothing crybabies that worked there). He also managed their client-server and Internet offerings. Lon holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Transformational Operations Research and Manufacturing Management from Indiana University. He is the author of a number of theoretical books, including such best sellers as Technology- the Prosthetic God and Cosmology"s Bastards
He lives with his lovely wife, Pepper and their twin boys Harrison and Marshall. In River Oaks, TX. In his spare time he is brokering a pact withThe Dark Ones, to end all human life on this earth. Go to it! Lon
Vice President - Kurt Atwearp
Kurt "Scappy" Atwearp primary role is to create strategic partnerships for Tetragrammatron. His secondary role is the resident prankster. When he is not developing relationships with key industry players, implementing market trends and researching new methods of elf extermination, you can usually find him charging up his vast array of joy buzzers/stun guns and replacing all the cups in the corporate dinning hall with dribble glasses. Before becoming General Manager of Small and Medium Business (SMB) at Jason R. Bell-Services, Kurt s only other real achievements were racked up during his war years where he ingeniously averted being killed by hiding behind his mother s dead body and then overseeing his merger with the Zorkon by sailing down the vaginal canal, down through the womb and out into the cruel, unforgiving world. Kurt graduated with a Master s degree in Bio-Electrical Engineering from Virgo Tech., USA and holds a Bachelor of Technology degree in Emotional Engineering from Regional Engineering College, Wrangle, India. He also completed the Carnage Hellion s Executive Leadership program.
A Confirmed Bachelor, Kurt lives in New York, NY with his German Shepherd, Wally Whitman
Managing Director - Barry Lipkins
Before Lon saved Barry from skid row (where he performed sex acts for Happy Meals behind the local McDonalds) Barrys life read like a History of Disastrous Business Ventures. In 1969, he oversaw the disastrous introduction of the Arthur Treachers restaurant franchise to the US, where he coupled their trademark "batter-fried fish and chips" fare with having an authentic English dentist on the premises at all times. When this failed, Barry then sunk his entire life savings into setting up a TRS-80 computer dealership in his town, but lost it all with the advent of the Atari "My First Computer" keyboard/computer attachment for the Atari 2600. After briefly contemplating suicide in the 1986, Barry decided to risk it all on one last dream. He sold his car, mortgaged his house and held a rummage sale to pawn off his other meager possessions, all so he could develop a daring new invention he thought of called, Liquid Post-Its. Office supple giant 3M, approached Barry over his ingenious new product and would of surely paid him millions for it, if not for the fact that the item was exposed to the it open air, it smelled like human ass stink. Previously, Barry served as Vice President and Virgin Deflower of the Intended Enterprise business unit at Dewdrop-Pichard. Though he has a history of ineptitude, petty thievery and heavy drug use, Lon appointed Barry Managing Director of Tetragrammatron and guaranteed him a job for life, provided he does not fuck things up. Just remember Barry, you are less then two paychecks from living out the street (we tell him that to keep him humble). Barry serves on the Board of Overloards of Xitlocker, a web-based application and and CommerceMet, a nonprofit organization created to foster the growth of electronic commerce in thrid world dictatorships.
Barry is the proud father of five beautiful daughters, Anne, Melissa, Cathy, Amy, and Leanne. Jeez, Barry, I would hate to see those cute daughters of yours selling their asses out on the street just like their father used to. So watch it! We have got our eye on you, mister.
Project Manager, Randolf Rowan
Randolf Rowan is currently IT Project Manager, of Tetragrammatron and has over 20 years of experience within the computer industry. After graduating from the University of California, with a double major in Accounting and Computer Information Systems and a minor in Fraternity Date Rape, Randolf "took the telecommunications world by storm" (his description by the way) and turned down offers from "all the majorly huge computer dudes" (his words again) in favor of a position at Radio Shack. He soon grew bored of feigning stupidity when questioned by customers coming in and asking about all their petty problems, so after taking a dizzying array of night classes at Apex Tech, he was certified as a Information Systems Manager and a 5th level Dungeon Master. Since then, his career resume s been as solid as a constipated monkey s stool sample. Do not believe us? Take a whiff. As chief designer behind the internet company Zambooka.com, he dreamed up a number of point-to-point ventures, including a radical off-shoot of e-commerce dubbed z-commerce, an idea, which he claims is so radical and revolutionary, he refuses to explain how it works or even what it is. Ever the visionary, he next turned his attention towards the lucrative internet porn market and starts a site called rowan.com, the first XXX site devoted entirely to naked pictures of Ralph, himself. For the last four years he has been the CEO of an Internet consulting company called Told Ya So, Inc., which to be honest, did not really advise much of anything helpful, but did charge a whole lot of money to a bunch of stupid websites before they went down in flames. At Tetragrammatron, his duties include overseeing a rapidly growing a team of project managers, service implementers, dim-wits, half-wits and an energetic team of good-natured, but witless imbeciles.
His hobbies include narcolepsy, crypto-zoology and looking down young girls blouses.An avid sports fan Ralph enjoys all the mainly pursuits of land, sea, and air. A talented musical, Ralph plays bass guitar in his band, The Bedfellows.